re-cycle

Now, before I get into my latest movie review, I need to update you all on some changes to my blog that you might now have noticed. There have been some complaints (Ben), that my reviews and ramblings are incoherent, with poor spelling and grammar. I think this is stupid beyond belief and that those who have trouble are just racist and have no education. However, because I must be a whore and cater to my fans, I've allowed some trusted others to translate for me so that my exceptional thoughts and opinions can be better appreciated and understood by the smelly masses.

So anyways, here's my review on the Japanese* pseudo-horror film, 're-cycle'. It's about this chicky who's a writer, blogger, and is really famous because she writes sappy romance novels. She's totally emo-esque, going on about how her life sucks and she rejects some guy of her past who was, and still is, a real dick.

beware of recycling and green screens

However, then she finds herself haunted by some crazy babushka lady who wants her pen back. The babushka lady gets so crazy and pissed off she curses her to the land of factory-farming libraries and zombie-encrusted harlequins. In essence, she's sent to L.A.

Except she's really incompetent. She has no idea what's going on, even though it's clear she's in the land of lethal yoga poses and laid-off office grunts. In fact, she's so incompetent, she has to rely on some eight year old girl to avoid clear danger (such as nazi zombie whores and plot holes).

behold, the pen of doom

In the end, when the chicky gets to where she's suppose to be, her uncle busts through the set in a drunken rage and damages the blue-green screen, sending the crew to the four corners of the world. But just when you think the movie is beyond salvaging, killer clowns drop in out of no where, kill the kid (yay!), the chicky, and everyone else within a twelve mile radius before bursting into song and dance. The end.

Now, the scenery is lush with lushy things, such as giant dolls of doom, the giant bridge of holding one's breath, and the aborted fetuses cave. If you can tolerate the melodrama of her holding her breath and whining about pillow fights with her dad, it's okay to watch for the visuals. It is a message film about... yes, you guessed it, recycling and saving the environment from original plots. So please, please recycle your ideas.

I give this movie a C++ for visual appeal, but nothing much else.

~mr. fuzzypants



*It's actually a Hong Kong/Thai co-production, but he wont listen...