Sunday, February 14, 2010

tusk (alejandro jodorowsky)

sum tyme ago i wahched this moovee kalled 'tusk' by 'alejandro jodorowsky'. this moovee is so rareh i kud only find veri feu pikturz and no trailurz.

this is an epik moovee about the eturnal batle beetween ellefant vs ellefant vs smelli britz. itz also about ugly drunk poechurz vs there own stuupidety.

in tusk, their iz an ellefant in twilyt zown chaysing a gurl in a sykodelik geetar riff, with a angri brit man yelling at peeple cuz there not britesh.

the star of the moovee iz the spydur monkee karaker who i kall 'boo', who hangz out with teh stuupid poechurz cuz thei tallerate hiz poo toassing. but than this smelli brit chikie bekumz 'indyan' by wareing a dress and lissening to 'indyan' musik, witch makes the angri brit angri, who than yellz cuz hez a dik. but than the angri brit is beeten by a merikan dik.

but than killer klownz appeer and have a epik battel with the ellefant, lasting three weaks, destroiing parts of azsha and sinking briteon below the oceasn. everiwon wuz killed cedpt teh spydur monkee, who inhairited teh eerth.

this moovee wuz reeeeeellly boring and lame and everiwon wuz talking in sum languwag that no onez ever hurd befor, so i give this moovee a D, (without the spydur monkee it iz F).

~mr. fuzzypants

st valintiens day massaker

its valintiens day! this is a spesial day for many peeple for many reesons - today lotz of peeple will have sexy orgis with peeple they kno, dont kno, or with toiz and there handz. beefor i get into it, sum histori.

long ago, pagan rowmanz romed the kontriside, beet, killed, and rayped peeple. they were the bigest bullis on the street, and all the 'barbearyans' hayted them. so the rowmanz selebrayted a hallidai kalled 'lupercalia', where yonge men would run around nakkid in the streets, slapping peeplez asses along the way with goat skin to mak them furtill (cuz bak then, many moms and babies were killed by killer klownz in an attempt to keep the populatin low).

they also had theze 'lottories' where peeple are piked randumly, peared in 'rowmanzed' couples, then hanged - cuz noone believed in love bak then.

but then krischians took over rowm and hayted theyre pagan wayz and so they baned these festevalz - but the peeple luved them, so they replased them with 'st. valintienz day', randomly piking a saint to represent this day. they say he was spesial kuz he tried to free prisoners and removed a eyepatch from sum chik. but he wuz kaptered and wus erotikally toretured and raped by his killer klown jailors, then decapitated.

several yares ago, two kops rounded up seven geyez on the street they found who looked 'suspisus'. they were joyned by sum more geyez who liked to keel peeple and they bleu them up with roket lancherz and xploshawn buletz. there wuz blood everiwhere and bodi parts - so much that peeple thoht it 'rowmantik' and desided to go bak to there 'pagan daiz' and selebrate orgis on this day.

today, we carry this tradtion on by riping out our own harts in xchange for others who we fansi. its a day of desparation, lonelynes, depreson, kardiak arest, wanton sex, and getting infekted. happy VD day!

~mr. fuzzypants

Saturday, February 13, 2010

sexy in the sity

its thyme for the reevuu for the best moovee ever maid... 'sex in the city'!!!

i want to start off with the best seen, where charlotte poops herself because shes a fareytail.

now, ive heared chiks and gay peeple hate it cuz it has gurlz where gurlz can be rich and wellthy and have jobs and be ideots when it comes to relayshawnships. but what i think is that its fine being filtchy rich as a gurl, but just odn't talk about guyz and sex as much as they do cauze they sound nearotik and desparate.

so the moovee starts us off with gratooetus stak footage of man-hattan - cuz i guess sex in dallas just aint the same as new york. then we see jon 'mr big' smuck lay his moves on carrie. carrie gets into it and starts dansing alone in her kloset nakkid. there is this talk of 'fareytale' endings and how itd suck, but then mr big freaks out cuz he doesnst have 200 friends and runs away. carrie puts on the chace running around sentral park looking for him, looking like alice and wundurland. then this chick from dreamgurls appers and does carries laandry, klaiming st lousie is better than new york. 'steve' then donates his sperm to charlotte who then bears konjoined twins with horns and wings. and samantha fights off an invading hoarde of zombie ex lovers with flassid sushi.

but jest when you think things will be okai, carrie gets huemilliated at the prom by a bunch of brats with the dumping of blood on her dress as she sings on stage and she freeks out. she blows up the gim, half the town, and kills her stuupid reeligus nut mother by emplooding the house. then, she shacks it up with the rushan dude in paris while the dreamgirls chicky gets a promotion at vohgeh to take over the bizness... but then killer klownz appear in there interglattic spaseship and kill her cuz shes the only black charaker in the moovee. the end.

i give this moovee a A++++++

~mr. fuzzypants

Sunday, February 7, 2010

sweeney todd

i got the honer of whatching a grate meuusikal kalled 'sweeney todd', feeturing jonny det, and hellena bonam kartur, and alan rikman. it has the purfect kombinatino of viktoriana, deth, and singing.

i thoht that sum of the songs were a bit too 'cheeri' for my liking, but the lyrics spoke to my hart.. sum of it anywayz.

Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one staying put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face
Look at me, Mrs Lovett, look at you.

No, we all deserve to die
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief

isnt it grate? itz full of awesum...

itz also ful of razro slising and meet pyz. im triing to konvinse squishy and kafka to open up there own shop and do the same... id be the litle boy with the weg!!

aniwayz... so the stori is about this ordenari man (jonny det) hue had everithing... babies and whyves and stuf. butt then a man of power (alan rikman) stole his freedum, his fameli, and baneshed him! in his soro a nu man wuz born... the dream demon todd! so rikman stole his dauter-child and he wants revenge even tho loveit (karter) thinks hez an ideot for wanting it. so liek his demon power komes from singing, and he sings to deth a bunch of twits who get sent to the furnass room ware they make piez. they inslav a boy to mayk the meet piez (made out of humonz!!), so then, todd kils rikman and his 'arm' gets kompleet again. butt then, loveit killz todd for biing an ideot and killer klownz kill the boy - but, az a surprize ending, mr. todd and ms. prevett woke up and dansed with the klownz!!! the end.

i give it A for addashussness

'big trouble in little china'

yesturday i got to watch the kurt russell klassik: "big trouble in little china". russell was on top of his game, delivering a wundarful perphormanse of a misunderstud truck driver tring to make ends meat. there is so much depth and komplexity to his karaktur that one thinks of fryday the 13th or gostbusturs.

of korse, 'jack', as they kall hiim, is supported by a wundurful cirkus of purformerz who do wild and krazy stunts to delite the krowd. i think i remember fire eaters, or dansers... or just fire. they help jack basikally fight kommunist kun foo fighters with godly powers like twurling blades and bad breath.

the stori starts off with jack talking about how grate he is and how you'd be an ideot to think the supernateral doesn't exest, cuz it does. then we are shown all t hese tempelz and ornait thingz and festevalz, talk of dark majik, and flying gurls, and then it eruapts into an epik fight seen... kind of reminding me of that one restling seen in 'they live', where the mane guy pyle-drivs his best friend into waring his sunglassez - smart, sexi steff.

then jack makes out with that sex in the sity chicky and it gets awesum and just when you think the godz are dead, they summan an army of killer klownz as their finally attak and kill jack and his friends. the end.

i thought it wuz relly well dune, especially the end part. i give it a B for boldness.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


finally i get to rite here, we just mooved like three weeks ago but its been reel rought. th3e smellies say they dont ever want to moove again it was that bad. wutever, i think t hey're lazy and stuupid.

so they place is a reel mess, but my bed is ready so thats all i kare about.
they also got t his game thing called 'wii' and force me to do exersize - its tortur!!!

surprizingly, havent seen any nu mooveez - im avoydeen the tuuth farey like the plaque. x-filz... sex and the sity (my favorite!!!!!).

so i wuz wallking on cohlegg street when i notised sumthing. peeple are reeely stuupid wallkerz!! they must be drunk or druged or just awfull persunz cuz they alwayz cant wallk straht and allwayz wallk towardz you (or lean towardz where youre triing to pass) in an attempt to slow you down or bump into you. its like peeple are out there to block you from where youre going and are just assholez.

i hate peeple!!!