long ago, pagan rowmanz romed the kontriside, beet, killed, and rayped peeple. they were the bigest bullis on the street, and all the 'barbearyans' hayted them. so the rowmanz selebrayted a hallidai kalled 'lupercalia', where yonge men would run around nakkid in the streets, slapping peeplez asses along the way with goat skin to mak them furtill (cuz bak then, many moms and babies were killed by killer klownz in an attempt to keep the populatin low).
they also had theze 'lottories' where peeple are piked randumly, peared in 'rowmanzed' couples, then hanged - cuz noone believed in love bak then.
but then krischians took over rowm and hayted theyre pagan wayz and so they baned these festevalz - but the peeple luved them, so they replased them with 'st. valintienz day', randomly piking a saint to represent this day. they say he was spesial kuz he tried to free prisoners and removed a eyepatch from sum chik. but he wuz kaptered and wus erotikally toretured and raped by his killer klown jailors, then decapitated.
several yares ago, two kops rounded up seven geyez on the street they found who looked 'suspisus'. they were joyned by sum more geyez who liked to keel peeple and they bleu them up with roket lancherz and xploshawn buletz. there wuz blood everiwhere and bodi parts - so much that peeple thoht it 'rowmantik' and desided to go bak to there 'pagan daiz' and selebrate orgis on this day.
today, we carry this tradtion on by riping out our own harts in xchange for others who we fansi. its a day of desparation, lonelynes, depreson, kardiak arest, wanton sex, and getting infekted. happy VD day!
~mr. fuzzypants
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