Wednesday, April 28, 2010


sum thyme ago i wuz given a kopy of 'dragon head' and told that it wuz the best head moovee ever maid with spesial efeks and plot and karakturz. it is a japaneze film, were my pearants wur from before they dyed of a nukleer aksident.

so this fillm is about a kupel who get tottalli skrewed up in some trayn axsident ware peeple are getting krushed and sum krazy guy is putting maykeup on them with fyre. so the kuple get freeked out and deside to have a ninja kontest for who keeps the gurl. so the whimp guy winz who can't even stand on his own feet and krawl into a sueer tube where they mayke out.

when they wayke up, their in this post-apokalips ash wurld where the wurld is made out of ash. sum village peeple are smoeking it and get toetally high and start killing off theyre children, which i totally supporrt. exsept these ninja soljerz kum in and sayve the stuupid kouple from getting katanaed, blowing up the plase and singing.

the ninja solejuz are pretty lame and start talking about stuupid stuff like whewre the ash kame from. it was an absoaluut snore fest and i wohke up to find emoeshawnless kidz who had there brainz reemooved (witch all kidz shood be subgekt too) killing theyre pearants and feesting on there harts.

but than a nuklear buddha started to sheyen his vokano on the gruup and killed everyone butt teh coupel, who eskaped on likwuid hellekopturz that konverted the ash into rainbowz. sum of the peeple in the hellikopturz wur insane and thru the whimpi guy of, who landed on a big spyke but sumhow sirvived cuz he's t1000.

so than were in tokyo and everyone is zombiez and the whimpi guy goez insane, mayking out with sum nasti old guy. but than killer klownz kum in their spase krafts, kill everyone with there sexi steal katanaz and distroi the sity and sing and danse on their ash faces. the end.

so, in akuality, and to be onest, i slept thru hthis moovee so im steeling the riteup from yahoo. this wuz a very kraptakular moovee and very boreing and at the end kuudent kare less to wut happened with it all, even though a big penis volkano urupted giving dragon head to the surviviers. i give this moovee a D+ for beeing stuupidli boring and lame, but ok for being post-apokalips and killer klownz.

~mr. fuzzypants

Friday, April 23, 2010

losers moovee reevuu

i wuz envited by amc to watch this moovee kalled 'the losers'. i wuzn't axpoused to a siloette of sum kak n' ballz with weenz, jest a bunch of crappy traylurz of mooveez ill never sea.

so the moovee itz about a bunch of frat boiz streight from yale who think there hawt shit cuz there daddiez payd there edyoukashawn. than they dress up in armi fahteegez, dreyeveeng yello pintoz and pretend there flyboiz. theiz guiz are obsessed with gunz, nivez and bazookaz and bloing up crap - and gurlz (ehspesially the hawt uhura chickie who shaks it up with the vulkan).

then therez this dweeb kalled max who thiks hez hawt shit cuz he warez a suut and keelz peepel. so wut? aniwayz, he wants to chanje the planz cuz the losers no to much (the armi-yale boiz). then this geeky-buffed guy saiz 'good timez' and lauffs.

so apearrently, there not soljer-yale boiz, but fugetivez, and that they have to steel there lives bak. then ohura has a 'buizness propasaision' for 'klay'. witch i think is fight-sex (sumthing akshawn peeple are into). but the thing ohura wants to do is kill the luzerz on sum sueehside pak thing (sumthing about saving the spase-thyme kontinuum for spok i guess). then, the geek-buff guy saiz sumthing, but i wuzn't paing attenshawn kuz i was fokusing on his pink shurt. but afftur that, they rize from the ded. there like undead luzers warring with the see eye eh. and shez all bazooka crazy. then sum 'blak mcguivur' makes more bazookaz and firez them randomly. the geek-buff guy is shoawning his junk to sum ladiez, but then he shoawz his awsum envizeble gun tekneekeh.

but jest when thingz seem to be going fur them, theze killer klownz from outer spase ahrive, keel everyone, and danses on there horrebly disfegured bodies before their off agan.

now, when watching this moovee, i kant help but think of the a-teem. except there not a-teem. this moovee wuz ok, but i kant but think that it coulda been better... or maybe it wuz the eer plugs kuz i couldnt heer anything. or maybe it wuz the fat dik who kept kiking my chair and lauffing at the lokatshawn titles. what a dik.

i give this film a B-. it wuz ok, and it had ohura in it, but i lieked 'kick-ass' better. the end.

~mr. fuzzypants

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

faith and the muse konsurt

last nite i saw 'faith and the muse' at 'el mocambo' in 'toronto', with 'johnny hollow' playing furst. it wuz muh furst konsurt ever~!!

now, theze daiz i find it very hard to go out. itz cuz peeple are prehjudise aginst me. they make fun of me and kik me arownd like im a nerf ball or whatever. i am a reel person!!! i hate all u jurks who are abuseve or egnor me!!! from now on, im on a stryk to not speek when haturz are neer - itz dayngerus and their stuupid.

so apearantli, it wuz a 'gath' konsurt - sumthing squishy and kafka klaim they 'do', but i dont think they kno whut it is. wut it meenz to be in a gath konsurt meenz to dress up in blak, be snuutty, and pretend lyke u dont kare. wut bugz me about this gath kulthur is that peeple are reelly obsesed with klothez and being a dik about who is 'gath' and who isn't. itz like their in hi skool and their cheerleedurz or sumthing. they may do have gud fashon skillz and gud taste in musek, but they haited muh whyt tuxedo and tye....

johnny hollow was furst and they played songs i never herd befor, but it wuz gud. the problem, i fownd, wuz the base wuz TO HI!!! it wuz bloing the speekurz i think. but i lyked there sownd and ill try and find tere musek agan.

then some wiked witch kalled 'sarah' djed it up - she wuz like an imp or sumthing, kute in her evil tutu dress and dansing it up with her ink. than faith and the muse were on.

they started with sum 'serpentine' danser with reeelyy long fingurnailz that she needed to kut - they were 3 feet long!!! she slowly did sum danse and then other peeple with geetar swordz showed up and killed the furst row of peeple in the audyance with there riffs. sum hawt khelloist with a dubble moehahk used her bo as an arro and hit a gui in the eye. it wuz awesum. they then took there japaneze 'taiko' drums and sumoned evil godz onto the stage. they then attaked more peeple in the audyance, with the godz klawing there iiz out with there kute little klaz.

than, two geetarests were there and they slawtured more peeple with there geetar riffs - it wuz reeel bloody and skari.

i wuz skared theyd kum for me, but they egnored me, so i left reel late, blud all over muh feet.

the purrformanse wuz grate, with grate kostumez and hot chiks and kool dudez. i want to be a gath-rock geetar slaier or khelloist!!! as i saed before, the only bad thing wuz the stuupid base - tern it down!!!!!

~mr. fuzzypants

Friday, April 16, 2010

KICK ASS!!@#~@

i got FREE passez to "kick-ass" yesturdai. its yet anotter komic-enspiered moovee filmed in toronto but pretending to be new york. cuz no one wants to live in smellie, filthie toronto, especially to shag it up in there alleywayz.

so i got into the theatur at jon street and we wached this kok and ballz flying through the sky for like an hour, deefening our earz as it repeeted over and over again. than some twirpp in a skuba suit started to attak us with prizez, it wuz scari. i thought this was about superheors.

the moovee envolved lots of peeple dying - which i always approved of. what seeled the deel for me wuz - and i wont say much - but a fello plushy-teddy bear was saved from near death by one of the superheors and that jest made my day. to often i see plushies get beeten up, abused, or berned, so when i saw this i just about pooped my pants in glee.

now, some stuupid cbc reevuuer thought this muuvee sucked cuz it 'katered to the fanboiz' of the scene, which reely ofended me cuz i liked it. i fucken hate superheors and their homophobic-homoerotic konsurvateve moralizing spandex shit. its the indie comix that appealz to me, cuz i'm sofistekated.

so the moovee is about this geek who has no frens or 'life' who reeds comix all dai becuz he is a geek. he then desides to put on a kostume and act like a loon and he suckz. so his dad thinks hez gay, cuz he got naked in an alleyway and so does his friendz, and he becomes this gay GFF friend to this hot chickie who likes to play with needels. she haz theze big boobiez and when we saw them (u could see some niiple) one of the guyz in the audience made some weird noizes (we thought he was masturbating or sumthing). this tiks me off cuz we have so much violents and swearing but merikanz are afrade of some nakkedness. they have fuked up valuz. anywayz, then, sum killer klownz, dressed up as batman and robin come in and save the day, killing all the drugies and blowing peeple up with gattling gunz. then they do a song and danse.

what reeely ticks off the moralety polise is the 11y gurl who killz peeple and kusses a bit: 'cunt', 'fucker', stuff like that. reellly, that wuz the best part of the moovie and now i want to be her. i'm still young!!! im gonna lern kun fuu and weponz and ware her kool kostume and kik ass.

so all in all, the moovee haz tipikal hollewood xpektaishawns, but it makes up for it with lots of violents, deth, kick-assness, and some gud songz. without the 'hit gurl' i would have given it C for hollewood affort, but with the gurl, i give it A-.

~mr. fuzzypants

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

burfdai partai

so i have been away for a long time. it iz becauz the huemonz thout they were buzi with skool, werk, and sleeping, or watever. they say itz cuz -i- have been sleeeping, which is tru also. i need muh beeuti sleep.

so i watched this moovee kalled 'utu' and it had this mahree guy keeling brits. it wuz good and now theres talk of having the next kat (like we need MOOR brats around here...) named in their speerit.

anywayz, i boht a 'wii' and play it all the time now. i play all the gamez and im super gud at it. i guess i can reevuu them to.

yesturdai was aparently kafka's burfdai and he got all the atenshawn. akchewally, he wuz studiing all day and did some theeng kalled a 'exham', which took him all knight cuz hes stuupid. he got home at 10pm and got stuupid drunk on ice kreem kake. reelly, they were konfuzed as it wuz MY burfdai and not hiz kuz he wanted atenshawn for himself and not me. so it wuz my burdai and i got lots of presentz and had lotz of kake. squishy gave ME the kake cuz it wuz MYH burdai. YAY!!!

so im also lerning the geetar and one dai will be in my own band.

~mr. fuzzypants