dead man

agan, i wuz toremented to whach a stuupid moovee by kafka - this won wuz kalled 'dead man' starring jonni debt and is set in the viktorian age of kannibel krosdressurz (in merika).

itz a veri stilized moovee, with sum mieldly kwurki karakturz and lotz of willderness. itz about this gui kalled 'blake' whoz looking for neil young bekazz of hiz loud youbekwetus geetar reffs (witch are beening played everiware on hidden speekerz on treez and krap). itz allso a kwest for tobakko.

at furst, blake is a reel wemp - but then he turnz into this pumken skul-krushing, anglesh poeet-killur. baysikly, most of the moovee konsests of peepel geting killed and than having them poeze lyke they were in sum blake paynting.



as blake gets more 'dethly', kollekting 'whyte man's metall', the moovee kopeez apokalips now with the river and sum wiiurd tempel komplex. their, were lead to beeleev that neil yonge is at the centre, waitin for blake so du some dualling with geetar hero.

butt, he'z not there - ensted, itz killer klownz, and they kill everiwon, eat there faysez, and danse on there korpsez. the end.

i thouwt the moovee wuz stuupid and boreing, so i give it a D-, but kafka kinda lyked it and gave it a B. agan, hiz tayste in mooveez is kuestonabul.

~mr fuzzypants

faust

so i wuz mulling over the titles at my faevorit rental plase and kame akross 'faust' by Jan Švankmajer (1994). it had dulls and demuns witch is wut apeeled to me. this moovee elso kums frum kafkaland - prageh, and is very durteh and olde and komyounesty.

i wuz a bit konfuzed weth the plot as it had dulls and sum middle age guy poking his nose into wiiurd thingz and krazi thingz hapening. it wuz veri vizuall and enturesting, like the durektor'z othur stuff. it allmost remineds me of lynch and his wiiurd mooveez, xsept this haz stop-annemayshawn and is full of kreepi thingz.



to be breef, ill jest say it haz this man whoz got a big noze and summons god to do hiz bedding. god is reeely angri (i shuud no, i lyv with the buggar) and kursez him and we see him get skrewed royalli. than, killer klownz kum and kill everiwon and danse on the bluudy floor, trip, and get empalled temsellvez. the end.



for kool vizuallzez and kreepy wiiurdness and killer klownz, i give this moovee a A for ahsum.

~mr. fuzzypants

p.s. fcbd opinyonz to be posted when i remembur wut hapened.

tusk (alejandro jodorowsky)

sum tyme ago i wahched this moovee kalled 'tusk' by 'alejandro jodorowsky'. this moovee is so rareh i kud only find veri feu pikturz and no trailurz.

this is an epik moovee about the eturnal batle beetween ellefant vs ellefant vs smelli britz. itz also about ugly drunk poechurz vs there own stuupidety.

in tusk, their iz an ellefant in twilyt zown chaysing a gurl in a sykodelik geetar riff, with a angri brit man yelling at peeple cuz there not britesh.

the star of the moovee iz the spydur monkee karaker who i kall 'boo', who hangz out with teh stuupid poechurz cuz thei tallerate hiz poo toassing. but than this smelli brit chikie bekumz 'indyan' by wareing a dress and lissening to 'indyan' musik, witch makes the angri brit angri, who than yellz cuz hez a dik. but than the angri brit is beeten by a merikan dik.

but than killer klownz appeer and have a epik battel with the ellefant, lasting three weaks, destroiing parts of azsha and sinking briteon below the oceasn. everiwon wuz killed cedpt teh spydur monkee, who inhairited teh eerth.

this moovee wuz reeeeeellly boring and lame and everiwon wuz talking in sum languwag that no onez ever hurd befor, so i give this moovee a D, (without the spydur monkee it iz F).

~mr. fuzzypants

sexy in the sity

its thyme for the reevuu for the best moovee ever maid... 'sex in the city'!!!

i want to start off with the best seen, where charlotte poops herself because shes a fareytail.



now, ive heared chiks and gay peeple hate it cuz it has gurlz where gurlz can be rich and wellthy and have jobs and be ideots when it comes to relayshawnships. but what i think is that its fine being filtchy rich as a gurl, but just odn't talk about guyz and sex as much as they do cauze they sound nearotik and desparate.

so the moovee starts us off with gratooetus stak footage of man-hattan - cuz i guess sex in dallas just aint the same as new york. then we see jon 'mr big' smuck lay his moves on carrie. carrie gets into it and starts dansing alone in her kloset nakkid. there is this talk of 'fareytale' endings and how itd suck, but then mr big freaks out cuz he doesnst have 200 friends and runs away. carrie puts on the chace running around sentral park looking for him, looking like alice and wundurland. then this chick from dreamgurls appers and does carries laandry, klaiming st lousie is better than new york. 'steve' then donates his sperm to charlotte who then bears konjoined twins with horns and wings. and samantha fights off an invading hoarde of zombie ex lovers with flassid sushi.

but jest when you think things will be okai, carrie gets huemilliated at the prom by a bunch of brats with the dumping of blood on her dress as she sings on stage and she freeks out. she blows up the gim, half the town, and kills her stuupid reeligus nut mother by emplooding the house. then, she shacks it up with the rushan dude in paris while the dreamgirls chicky gets a promotion at vohgeh to take over the bizness... but then killer klownz appear in there interglattic spaseship and kill her cuz shes the only black charaker in the moovee. the end.

i give this moovee a A++++++

~mr. fuzzypants

sweeney todd

i got the honer of whatching a grate meuusikal kalled 'sweeney todd', feeturing jonny det, and hellena bonam kartur, and alan rikman. it has the purfect kombinatino of viktoriana, deth, and singing.

i thoht that sum of the songs were a bit too 'cheeri' for my liking, but the lyrics spoke to my hart.. sum of it anywayz.

Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one staying put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face
Look at me, Mrs Lovett, look at you.

No, we all deserve to die
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief

isnt it grate? itz full of awesum...



itz also ful of razro slising and meet pyz. im triing to konvinse squishy and kafka to open up there own shop and do the same... id be the litle boy with the weg!!

aniwayz... so the stori is about this ordenari man (jonny det) hue had everithing... babies and whyves and stuf. butt then a man of power (alan rikman) stole his freedum, his fameli, and baneshed him! in his soro a nu man wuz born... the dream demon todd! so rikman stole his dauter-child and he wants revenge even tho loveit (karter) thinks hez an ideot for wanting it. so liek his demon power komes from singing, and he sings to deth a bunch of twits who get sent to the furnass room ware they make piez. they inslav a boy to mayk the meet piez (made out of humonz!!), so then, todd kils rikman and his 'arm' gets kompleet again. butt then, loveit killz todd for biing an ideot and killer klownz kill the boy - but, az a surprize ending, mr. todd and ms. prevett woke up and dansed with the klownz!!! the end.

i give it A for addashussness

mi 1st moovee reevuu!!

ok so it wuz suhjestd that i add in sum reevuuz fore this blogg, so im gonna poste sum mooveez and gaimz reevuuz!!!

yasturdai, i whachd 'franklyn', whuch iz this straenje movie about london - unn no-no, meenwhiel sity. peepel werr stuupid on reelegon or sumthing and this kloked guy is sappoze to sav them. but were in lundon, and i got konfuzed. some peepel having ehshuez with ther mum, or whives, or sumthing... peepel triing to kil themsellvz.

i got konfuzed... but i wuz told aftur the moovee abot wut hapend, and it iz sappoze to cum togeter, not like linch (who always confuzes me). steempaunk wuz kool - i liked the kostooms and meenwhiel sity. yett, it seamed like 2 mooveez - it wuz enturesting, but neaded sumting to et. the moovee wuz ok, but it coud hav been beter had it been mour pallishd arond the edjez.

i gev it 2.5 out of 5 poops.

***

~mr. fuzzypants