sum tyme ago, i wached this moovee kalled 'symbol' by sumwon in japan. itz about a homoeratik restlur and sum gui in pajamaz and itz reely, reely wiiurd.
at furst, won mite theenk that itz a mexikan moovee kuz therez theeze nunz and restlurz speeking spanesh in sum dessert. butt itz naut. kuz than we see this japaneeze guy who iz in a room filled with evil demun chilldren. i dont want to spoill anitheeng, butt letz jast say itz waki.
letz jast say that itz about finding gawdzilla, or bekuming won, by puting on a homoerotika maask on. but than killur klownz find there maask and destroy the yuniverce, and danse on there krushed adamz. the end.
this moovee wuz reeely wiiurd but sumhow gud. i give it a A!
agan, i wuz toremented to whach a stuupid moovee by kafka - this won wuz kalled 'dead man' starring jonni debt and is set in the viktorian age of kannibel krosdressurz (in merika).
itz a veri stilized moovee, with sum mieldly kwurki karakturz and lotz of willderness. itz about this gui kalled 'blake' whoz looking for neil young bekazz of hiz loud youbekwetus geetar reffs (witch are beening played everiware on hidden speekerz on treez and krap). itz allso a kwest for tobakko.
at furst, blake is a reel wemp - but then he turnz into this pumken skul-krushing, anglesh poeet-killur. baysikly, most of the moovee konsests of peepel geting killed and than having them poeze lyke they were in sum blake paynting.
as blake gets more 'dethly', kollekting 'whyte man's metall', the moovee kopeez apokalips now with the river and sum wiiurd tempel komplex. their, were lead to beeleev that neil yonge is at the centre, waitin for blake so du some dualling with geetar hero.
butt, he'z not there - ensted, itz killer klownz, and they kill everiwon, eat there faysez, and danse on there korpsez. the end.
i thouwt the moovee wuz stuupid and boreing, so i give it a D-, but kafka kinda lyked it and gave it a B. agan, hiz tayste in mooveez is kuestonabul.
Now, before I get into my latest movie review, I need to update you all on some changes to my blog that you might now have noticed. There have been some complaints (Ben), that my reviews and ramblings are incoherent, with poor spelling and grammar. I think this is stupid beyond belief and that those who have trouble are just racist and have no education. However, because I must be a whore and cater to my fans, I've allowed some trusted others to translate for me so that my exceptional thoughts and opinions can be better appreciated and understood by the smelly masses.
So anyways, here's my review on the Japanese* pseudo-horror film, 're-cycle'. It's about this chicky who's a writer, blogger, and is really famous because she writes sappy romance novels. She's totally emo-esque, going on about how her life sucks and she rejects some guy of her past who was, and still is, a real dick.
beware of recyclingand green screens
However, then she finds herself haunted by some crazy babushka lady who wants her pen back. The babushka lady gets so crazy and pissed off she curses her to the land of factory-farming libraries and zombie-encrusted harlequins. In essence, she's sent to L.A.
Except she's really incompetent. She has no idea what's going on, even though it's clear she's in the land of lethal yoga poses and laid-off office grunts. In fact, she's so incompetent, she has to rely on some eight year old girl to avoid clear danger (such as nazi zombie whores and plot holes).
behold, the pen of doom
In the end, when the chicky gets to where she's suppose to be, her uncle busts through the set in a drunken rage and damages the blue-green screen, sending the crew to the four corners of the world. But just when you think the movie is beyond salvaging, killer clowns drop in out of no where, kill the kid (yay!), the chicky, and everyone else within a twelve mile radius before bursting into song and dance. The end.
Now, the scenery is lush with lushy things, such as giant dolls of doom, the giant bridge of holding one's breath, and the aborted fetuses cave. If you can tolerate the melodrama of her holding her breath and whining about pillow fights with her dad, it's okay to watch for the visuals. It is a message film about... yes, you guessed it, recycling and saving the environment from original plots. So please, please recycle your ideas.
I give this movie a C++ for visual appeal, but nothing much else.
~mr. fuzzypants
*It's actually a Hong Kong/Thai co-production, but he wont listen...
'night watch' and 'day watch' is a moovee due-o of hoarer, and spydur bugz, and skari rushshawnz. it iz of bytey guyz and gurlz who lyke bluud and peeple with flash lytes of doom. itz also veri gloomi.
this moovee is about the antiks of sum rushshan guy who haytz his gurlfren and tryz to get reeveng by talking to sum baabooshka soreseress fore sum blak majik. itz this blak majik that maykz him funi and enter the 'gloomi' and halusinate.
spydur!!!
basikly hez a 'other' vampi killur who only haz the power to halusinate, and he doez it alot. he seez peeplez hed xploodz into klay, and gloing i'z, metall wips of desstrukshawn, and vidio gaymz that sea into the fyouchur. he'z basikly an alki who gets off on booze and bluud and bumblez roand until he meatz this chik who iz all powurfull and kursed with krows around hur. he sedusez hur with an ulser and then beetraiz this kid and maykez out with sum owl chik whoz reely a lezbeean.
i dont no... but itz kool!!!
parti at end of wurld karioki!
than, in the sekkond moovee, he getz off killing sum stuupid vampi, cuz the gurlfren chik wuz hawt, but that gets him in trubble with the vampi clan, who want to kill him. so he hydes in sum person, who maykes out with hiz gurlfren and haz lezbeean sex in sum waturfall plase. but then the hed vampi guy gets pissed kuz the halucinator guy keepz killing peeple, and so he triez to destroi publik trannset. but he getz tyred and haz this rushshawn parti. but kuz the killer klownz werent envited, they get pissed and destroi moskva and the rest of the wurld and the peeple, than join the parti and sing and danse on there korpsez. the end.
mosko, rushsha, 2007 (aftur a kold wintur)
the mooveez are all veri pretti to watch, and antertayning, and funni, and rushshawnz are wiirud (lyke sum of them japaneze mooveez that are wiiurd). i give it boath A!!!!
so i wuz mulling over the titles at my faevorit rental plase and kame akross 'faust' by Jan Švankmajer (1994). it had dulls and demuns witch is wut apeeled to me. this moovee elso kums frum kafkaland - prageh, and is very durteh and olde and komyounesty.
i wuz a bit konfuzed weth the plot as it had dulls and sum middle age guy poking his nose into wiiurd thingz and krazi thingz hapening. it wuz veri vizuall and enturesting, like the durektor'z othur stuff. it allmost remineds me of lynch and his wiiurd mooveez, xsept this haz stop-annemayshawn and is full of kreepi thingz.
to be breef, ill jest say it haz this man whoz got a big noze and summons god to do hiz bedding. god is reeely angri (i shuud no, i lyv with the buggar) and kursez him and we see him get skrewed royalli. than, killer klownz kum and kill everiwon and danse on the bluudy floor, trip, and get empalled temsellvez. the end.
for kool vizuallzez and kreepy wiiurdness and killer klownz, i give this moovee a A for ahsum.
~mr. fuzzypants
p.s. fcbd opinyonz to be posted when i remembur wut hapened.
